Day 27: Nimi
I’ve never pegged myself as the writing down hopes and
dreams type of woman. For work,
definitely, when I was in school for studying without doubt it makes sense, but
for life...never really thought about it. I just know what I want to happen and
try to make it so. Always figured
there’s a certain vulnerability to writing it all, like it brings to light (and the universe) how much I want it which
increases the likelihood of me not
getting it which will hurt (so optimistic, aren’t I?). Plus it reminds me of
the church of my youth...writing down what you want and praying on it. Speaking
of church, I guess that a good place to start (yes I can be a bit of a rambler
when trying to get to something).
The church was part of the reason I actually sent the message I was up for writing this. I saw the blog post as I was getting ready for a church service (4th attendance of the year, whole other conversation), I smiled and wondered if I should put myself for it. Was still thinking about it when the teaching began and of course much of it centered on the New Year. A lot of what was spoken about was ‘hope’ and ‘dreams’, now that was a sign if I needed one. I’m not a ‘signs’ person (I sound fun, don’t I?), I consider myself a realist. I have optimistic moments and pessimistic moments but ultimately I stay grounded in realism. So all hopes and dreams are always undercut in realism but for 2014 my philosophy is ‘what is the point of dreams if they don’t get to fly as high as they can’. So the condensed version of some of mine
The church was part of the reason I actually sent the message I was up for writing this. I saw the blog post as I was getting ready for a church service (4th attendance of the year, whole other conversation), I smiled and wondered if I should put myself for it. Was still thinking about it when the teaching began and of course much of it centered on the New Year. A lot of what was spoken about was ‘hope’ and ‘dreams’, now that was a sign if I needed one. I’m not a ‘signs’ person (I sound fun, don’t I?), I consider myself a realist. I have optimistic moments and pessimistic moments but ultimately I stay grounded in realism. So all hopes and dreams are always undercut in realism but for 2014 my philosophy is ‘what is the point of dreams if they don’t get to fly as high as they can’. So the condensed version of some of mine
Facing my spirituality head on, away from the standard
trappings of religion. I am so far
removed from who I was taught to be as a teenager it’s crazy to compare. To
blindly follow stopped being me forever ago but the problem is that I stopped
moving all together; I read different things and listen to different things but
remain stagnant. It’s time to make a choice on the direction I want to go and
I can’t lie, that is actually scary.
Things like this is when I think I may have that commitment issue folks
talk about.
Write more, go for every writing opportunity available to
me, improve, create variety, and put myself out there. I already started this last year and I intend
to do more this year. I always hesitate with this simply because what I have
chosen as (most of) my writing subject isn't exactly the wholesome stuff for
the masses. That has me wondering how I
would be received in certain situations which is unlike me. So the plan is to carry my life attitude into
my writing, to carve out time to write more, to look seriously into
self-publishing but in the meantime to blog more and study more. This is what I
want to do, so I need to do it.
“Dear Body, you have served me incredibly well. I should
treat you better”. That was the message to my body I had yesterday. Considering
my propensity is inclined towards hedonism and decadence this can be a little
difficult. However, I focus on the me in 30 years and I imagine her cussing me
for not making small improvements here and now that would make her life better.
Vanity aside (I let the dream of six-pack go, eba and ogbonno won that fight), I
want to avoid the issues that my current elders have by just taking a
little more care.
Be as good to those around me as they are to me. The last
year or so has made me realise how lucky I have been with the people around me,
family, friends, colleagues and even romantic entanglements. I have some of the
most amazing people around and my hope is for better things for them, my desire
to make life better for them every time. It all sounds very Pollyanna-ish, doesn’t it? That’s my optimism in play and it is also the truth.
“Stop enjoying life and go get married” are the words of
mummy. I’m sure she doesn't mean enjoyment stops when marriage comes (although
sometimes I do wonder when I see some folks), more like it’s time to settle
down. And for a change I do agree, the idea appeals a little bit more, even
though I am worried that the fact I thoroughly enjoy my life right now may be a
bit of a hindrance. So I guess I’ll put
it down as a hope; to be in a situation that will encourage that special one on
one partnership.
To keep challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone. I
chose today because it was going to be after my bungee jump and I was curious
as to how I will feel after, if there was going to be some kind of deep and
meaningful enlightenment sort of thing. I will say that it felt like the
physical manifestation of taking an actual leap of faith and letting the fates
do their thing. It had me feeling like I
can do anything and with that feeling, I will try to do everything...errr,
maybe within reason of course.
So there it is and much longer than I expected. My hopes and dreams written down, the things
I want put out there in the universe. I will now go and do my thing and try to
make it happen. However it goes down, I intend to have a lot of fun on the way.
http://olatoxic.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/day-27-nimi/
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