Decisions

I was ok with it.

I had made a decision and I was going to stick to it. I was not going to think about whether it was a good or bad one. I had made a choice and I was going to be ok.

At least that is what I told myself. Maybe I should have deleted your number but I chose not to. I made a decision. I guess I needed to at least hold on to your name, looking at it every once in a while, never calling. Just knowing I had a choice made it ok.

I moved on to other things, other places, other people. I got someone else. Not to replace you, even I knew I could never replace you. I just needed to be distracted. I guess it worked because eventually I stopped looking at your number every once in a while but I knew it was still there. In fact I stopped looking at my phone.

Then, as it is with life, when I thought I was finally ok and when I least expected it, my mind wandered back to you and I remembered.

I remembered the kisses, especially the light ones on the neck and down my back

I remembered talking till the break of dawn of things completely irrelevant to anyone else but us

I remembered us breaking into dance, in the middle of the street, our laughter as music

I remembered waking up to you watching me and you saying it was because you loved watching me sleep

I remembered wanting to be so close to you that I felt like crawling underneath your skin

I remembered all you had to do was say the words and I died the little death in the most exquisite way

So I made a decision and I looked at my phone. Scrolled down to your name, pressed the call button and then I waited.......