System Failure

"This is what you love. This is what you live for. You're supposed to be enjoying this". My brain whispers furiously to My body. "You're not working as you are meant to".

"I know I am supposed to be". My body answers back wearily. "I am trying to work but I'm not and I am tired of doing things just because you say so. I am sorry if I have failed you".

"How can you be tired?" My brain asks, puzzled at the thought. "You're still young and this is what it's all about. It's about the highs, the thrill and the heat of that little touch, that contact however hard or soft".

My Body replies angrily, "I know I'm young but that does not stop me from feeling older than my years. I am tired and I need to recover from the daily grind but you never let me. You never let me rest from anything".

"I need to recover from those long work days. I need to recover from those real early mornings to those late late nights. I need to recover from those days of way too much sleep and those days of much too little. From your pursuit of some idealistic perfect body to your enjoyment of decadence.

From that trauma you had me go through but did not let me rest from. I understood your need to hide, to be strong and I allowed you to lead, thinking you'll soon let me rest but you didn't. In your selfishness you didn't understand that I needed time to stop and heal.

I need to recover from the cold. From the heat, aches and pain, the bruises. I know we have to keep going, that life does not stop just because I am unwell but you need to also take care of me I rely on you more that I want to.

Do you think I don't miss it? Miss the highs, the thrill the feel of it all? Of course I do. But all that will have to wait until I recover from everything you put me through".